These tactics create a pervasive atmosphere of control, fear, and dependence, making it difficult for the victim to recognize and escape the abuse.
Intimidation and Fear
- Displaying Weapons: Leaving a firearm or knife in a visible place to instill fear.
- Fear Induction: Leaving newspapers open to disturbing articles about domestic violence to intimidate.
- Intimidating Gestures: Using certain facial expressions or gestures that signal anger or displeasure.
Surveillance and Privacy Invasion
- Surveillance: Installing cameras to monitor movements, creating a sense of being constantly watched.
- Phone Privacy Violation: Checking the partner’s phone without consent, breaching their privacy.
Isolation and Control
- Isolation Tactics: Confiscating car keys to prevent the partner from leaving the house.
- Social Isolation: Forcing the partner to leave social gatherings or family events without explanation.
- Using Children: Making the partner feel guilty about the children, using them to relay messages, or threatening to take them away.
Economic and Resource Control
- Financial Control: Restricting access to bank accounts or canceling credit cards to exert financial control.
- Economic Abuse: Preventing the partner from getting or keeping a job, making them ask for money, or giving them an allowance.
Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting
- Backhanded Compliments: Offering compliments that are actually criticisms in disguise, eroding self-esteem.
- Undermining Achievements: Dismissing or belittling the partner’s accomplishments, making them feel inadequate.
- Manipulating Reality (Gaslighting): Changing facts or events to confuse the partner, making them doubt their memory or perceptions.
- Pouting and Sulking: Using passive-aggressive behaviors to express displeasure and control the partner.
- Emotional Blackmail: Making statements that manipulate the partner’s emotions, such as threatening emotional withdrawal or guilt-tripping.
- Getting Feelings Hurt: Acting overly sensitive to make the partner feel guilty and cautious, leading them to walk on eggshells.
Power Dynamics and Covert Tactics - Systematic Self-Esteem Erosion: Undermining the partner’s confidence so they seek approval from the abuser, who intermittently provides validation to maintain control.
- Micromanaging: Excessively controlling the partner’s actions and decisions, under the guise of care or concern.
- Jealousy and Possessiveness: Frequently questioning the partner’s interactions with others or accusing them of being unfaithful without reason.
- Using Male Privilege: Treating the partner like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the “master of the castle.”
- Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: Making light of the abuse, not taking concerns seriously, or saying the abuse didn’t happen and shifting the blame for abusive behavior.
- Flying Monkeys: Enlisting friends, family, or authority figures to pressure the partner into compliance.
- Using Scripture or Texts: Misusing religious or philosophical texts to justify control or criticize the partner’s actions.