另一种看法是……宽恕并不等同于和解和减少/消除后果/惩罚。那些真正得到宽恕的人，是因为他们有结出悔改的果子/有悔改实质的证据。这是和那些说他们已经悔改，但没有表现出果实的人是不同的。(路加福音 3:6-9) 在十字架上，耶稣宽恕了所有得罪祂的人。（路加福音 23:34) 祂时刻准备着宽恕；我们也应该如此。然而，并不是所有犯罪的人都得到了新约中的祝福，因为他们并没有悔改，没有转向上帝。结果，不悔改的人死在他们的罪中，没有领受到上帝的宽恕。(马可福音 1:1-8) 通常那些强迫别人原谅自己的，是想逃避或尽量减少他们犯错后所理当需要承担的后果，不真正愿意悔改或做出适当的弥补。这不能带来真正愈合已经破碎的关系。
Wilco de Vries博士写道：
饶恕是上帝救恩历史的核心，也是耶稣门徒应有的美德。然而，有些人却会利用此教导来控制和操纵别人，扭曲福音的样貌来服事自己堕落的目的。
我的一位朋友曾经历过这种情况。她度过一个地狱般的童年，被包括父亲在内的几个家庭成员虐待。没有任何人伸出援手或为她说话。成年后，她终于鼓起勇气面质施暴者。然而这些人滥用圣经，曲解神学来为自己的行为开脱，并要求她不再发声。
施暴者引用以弗所书4:32和歌罗西书3:13，强迫她必须饶恕，因为“主怎样饶恕了你们，你们也要怎样饶恕人。”他们坚称，上帝为我们承担刑罚并赦免了我们，因此她应该要“饶恕并忘掉”，不去向警方报告他们的罪行。在最初“饶恕了”家暴她的人后，我朋友便与家人保持距离。但当她这么做时，他们却说她的行为是不饶恕且充满苦毒，这加剧了她的道德冲突感。
我朋友不是唯一一个案例。在各个基督教宗派里，我们一次又一次地听到“饶恕”的概念被用来为施暴者平反 ，以及堵住受害者的嘴。一旦这种“强迫性的饶恕”发生，似乎就不可能收回了，这也是为什么施暴者会利用饶恕来堵住受害者的口。
Vries, W. de. (2023b, June 30). “强迫饶恕”的危险. ChristianityToday.com. https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2023/june-web-only/abuse-victims-danger-of-forced-forgiveness-zh-hans.html
Another way to see this is… forgiveness doesn’t equal to reconciliation and reduction/removal of consequences/punishment. There’s a difference between those who actually receives forgiveness, because they have the fruit of repentance, and those who say they have repented, but show no fruits. (Luke 3:6-9) On the Cross, Jesus forgave all who sinned against Him. （Luke 23:34) He was ever ready to forgive, as we should be. However, not all who sinned received the Blessings within the New Covenant, as they did not repent and turn to Him. As a result, the unrepentant died in their sins, not receiving forgiveness that God has extended. (Mark 1:1-8) Usually those that force people to forgive, are looking to escape or minimize the consequence of their mistakes, but not truly wanting to repent or to give proper restitution. This cannot bring true healing of the broken relationship.
Watch Dr. Wilco de Vries talk about Dismantling Forgiveness as a Weapon: Speaking about Forgiveness in the Context of Child Sexual Abuse here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCBHNeDdSiA
Dr. Wilco de Vries wrote the following:
Forgiveness is the heartbeat of salvation history and the virtue that should mark the followers of Jesus. But those who seek to control and manipulate others can twist even the very heart of the gospel for their perverted ends.
A friend of mine experienced this. She endured a hellish childhood and abuse by several family members, including her father. No one in her life intervened or spoke up. As an adult, she finally gathered the courage to confront her abusers, who misused Scripture and twisted theology to excuse their actions and demand her silence.
Citing Ephesians 4:32 and Colossians 3:13, my friend’s abusers pressed her to forgive “as God forgives.” God forgives us by taking on our punishment, they argued, so she should likewise “forgive and forget” and forgo reporting their crimes to the police. After initially “forgiving” her offenders, my friend distanced herself from her family. When she did so, they interpreted her actions as unforgiveness and bitterness, adding to her moral conflict.
She is not alone. Again and again, across denominations, we hear stories about how “forgiveness” has been used to vindicate abusers and silence the abused. Once this coerced forgiveness is offered, it seems impossible to retract, which is often why abusers use forgiveness as a silencing technique.
Vries, W. de. (2023, April 19). The danger of forcing forgiveness. ChristianityToday.com. https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2023/mayjune/abuse-victims-danger-of-forced-forgiveness.html
