为什么我们更善于处理罪恶而不是苦难？这通常不是因为我们缺乏同情心，而是因为我们不喜欢失控的感觉，我们也缺乏训练。当我们服侍那些受苦的人时，我们往往不知道下一步该告诉他们做什么。我们感到无力和无知。本学习将带领我们深入了解我们无法控制的领域，以及事工领袖需要更多培训的领域。Why are we more skilled at addressing sin than suffering? It is usually not because we lack compassion, but because we do not like feeling out of control and we lack training. When we minister to those who are suffering, we’re often not sure what to tell them to do next. We feel powerless and ignorant. This study will take us deep into areas where we do not have control and for which ministry leaders need more training.
求主让你变得更加 “习惯处于不舒服中”，这样你就能在受虐者在受虐中动荡不宁且最需要你的时候，为他们提供一个稳固的锚。Pray that you would become more “comfortable being uncomfortable,” so that you will be a grounded anchor for an abused soul being tossed and battered by the waves of abuse in the moments they need you most.
Hambrick, B. (2019). Becoming a church that cares well for the abused handbook. B & H Publishing.
当我们感到失控时，我们会怎么做？我们通常会改变处理问题的方式，让自己有更强的控制感。正如下面的例子所示，我们忽略了权力和控制的根本问题，使受虐者处于弱势。What do we do when we feel out of control? We usually change the way we engage the situation in order to give ourselves a greater sense of control. As the following examples show, we miss the underlying issues of power and control, leaving the abused vulnerable.
1） 主要处理我们的专业领域和似乎最容易改变的领域。Dealing Primarily with Areas of our Expertise and What Seems Most Open to Change. 我们把注意力集中在我们最了解的情况上，并且 似乎最容易改变的部分。”在我看来你们需要考虑一下如何处理你们的日程安排因为你们最具爆炸性的冲突是与孩子们的活动日程有关的挑战。 你们孩子的活动日程表”。1） We focus on the parts of the situation we understand best and seem most open to change. “It sounds to me like you guys need to think about how you handle your schedules since your most explosive conflict is about the challenges related to your children’s activity calendars.”
2) 错误的优先顺序。Wrong Priorities. 我们与冲突中我们知道该如何处理的部分进行互动，将其视为上帝的首要任务，因为我们想重新掌控开始感到滑坡的局面。 “我看得出尊重对你有多重要，听起来它正在成为你的偶像。任何人生挣扎中最重要的部分就是确保 上帝在你生命中的地位”。We interact with the parts of the conflict we know what to do with as God’s top priority because we want to regain our grip on a situation that is starting to feel slippery. “I can tell how much respect means to you and it sounds like it is becoming an idol. The most important part of any life struggle is to make sure that God is in first place in your life.”
3) 关注错误的人 Focus on the Wrong Person. 我们关注房间里最合作的人（受虐者）的失败 因为他们会对我们的吩咐做出最正面的反应。可悲的是，这听起来像: “我认为如果我们能在你对丈夫生气时的反应上下功夫，我们就能在事情的改善上取得一些进展”之类的话。We focus on the failings of the most cooperative person in the room (the abused) because they’ll respond favorably to our instruction. Tragically, this comes out as something like, “I think we can get some traction towards things improving if we work on how you respond when your husband is upset.”
